I AM N
I am N, who lives with one foot in a World of Pain and the other in a World of Magic. A World of Pain? Indeed, how can it be otherwise when I live in a Crowocracy. A Crowocracy, you ask? Remember your collective nouns: a group of crows is a ‘murder’ of crows, therefore by my lexicon a Crowocracy is government by murderers. A government to whom a life is as nothing, to whom a life can be stubbed out on a whim. In a Crowocracy, the world is awash with ‘nothings’. That is my World of Pain and that is why I am ‘N’, that is why I am ‘neizvestnaya’ – the unknown. Those who are invisible are protected, and thus I choose to be invisible. A World of Magic? Yes, my friend, this is a world of magics, a world of very dark, very malignant magics. And the World of Magic is a world even more dangerous than the World of Pain, for here the light and the dark are at constant war, and every adept must choose on whose side she will fight. In this World of Magic, ‘N’ is my ‘kenning’ name, my known name. Why? Because if I give you my real name you will have power over me, you will be able to suck me into your enchantments, to ensnare me in your charms, to tie strings to my feet and hands and make me dance to your tune, to make me your puppet. You will never control me. So in both of my Worlds, I am N, I am ‘neizvestnaya’...unknown. But look closely and you will see that my name is made up of a duality: the rune Laguz - the female rune - and Laguz Reversed - the female reversed. How can it be other-wise when my sexuality embraces all, embraces both male and female, pain and pleasure...dominance and submission. Remember too that Laguz is Water, and Water has three forms: as liquid, as ice and as steam. This reflects the triple nature of all Women: they are Mothers, they are Maidens and they are Whores. I am N and I am Woman. Yesterday I was N the Maiden; tomorrow I will – perhaps - be N the Mother. And today...today, I am N the whore. I am N, and as N I am become fiction... |
I am N, I am ‘neizvestnaya’...the unknown.